Love lost...or found...or wicked, always a song unsung!

How do I start? Sometimes there is so much to write you end up writing nothing. I have so much on my mind right now, define a heavy heart; answer is Olayinka's heart at the moment. Maybe my sins are the source of my grief...not possible because the word of God says otherwise, thank God for his mercies as she would always say.

It pains me so that I am a thorough ambassador of FAITH, an apostle of a 'worry-free' life, yet I worry, get bothered. I cannot remember the last time I prayed without asking for an increased level of faith...and grace. As I type this blog, I am listening to a message titled 'Faith & Character' by Pastor Godman Akinlabi of Daystar yet I act like I knoweth not how to live a life of faith. The truth is I am just 'me', hoping to be a 'me + X'. It is that 'X' that i ask of God everyday, every prayer, every thought. I know my weakness, my character, my personality, my person...in short, I am my weakness! Yes, ME.

Maybe I have not given all, maybe I hold back a little; truth is I am who I am yet what I am needs to change now more than ever. A man of faith does not lay his hands on the plough and look back, he does not start and stop midway, he stops at the end of the stretch, the next turn. Procrastination is no different from hesitance...you are either faithless or doubtful both ways. Truth is if you knew the end result of a step, you would either choose to do it or forget about it rather than postpone or think about it. It is so funny how we look at the source of our wrong right in front of us and yet do nothing about it....hmmm, how true is the word of God in calling us flesh.

The last few days of my life have been of great emotional challenge, I have indeed been heavy, on a journey of perpetual worry and self-torture. The last few months have even been more challenging, in those months I have found love, lost it, found it, lost it and found it again. Truth be told, after this kind of 'lost and found', the love becomes diluted, it becomes a source of both joy and worry.

I have changed a lot in these months, yes, I have been (in and out) getting rid of some things and replacing them with others within me. I have met God, I have met love, I have met progress, indeed it is getting better, yet I worry!!!

If I ever publish this post, I believe it is because it rids me of something and adds something new. About a year ago there was a song around, very popular, titled 'love is wicked'. I remember clearly listening to the song then and wondering why love has been deemed wicked. The word of God tells me there is no law against love, it says love is sacred, a virtue, a gift from BABA himself...how can it then be wicked? I start by saying 'God forbid' wicked love, I finish by saying 'Is love not wicked?'

If you read this and it has a meaning, please drop a comment, help me understand even before the story is completed. God remains faithful, even in our unfaithfulness!

NIGERIA...some great people, an 'ex' great nation!

It's 3.23am, it's early into a new day and I am not asleep yet. Don't get it twisted, I don't have exams coming up, no tight deadlines either...so what on earth am I doing awake? I am not on FB and not up to blog or play either...I just got home, well not even home technically, I am putting up at a friends for the night (more like morning).

"In my house in Ibadan, I have Three generators (7KVa diesel, one 5KVa petrol and one 2KVa petrol) and Two sources of water (well and borehole)."

I stopped clubbing, late night hang outs and parties a while back and I haven't been to a vigil in a while. What am I doing awake and why am I just getting home? I haven't answered that question yet but I will - I was in traffic on Lagos Ibadan expressway for 6 hours, almost a whole work day/shift. The journey of forty minutes became a journey of 7 hours, Abeokuta to Lagos, I am indeed wasted!!!

The day started on a rather promising note, after all it was a work free day...DEMOCRACY DAY. It started with a trip to the barber's, window shopping to kill time (since I bought nothing) and then a smooth drive to Abeokuta to spend quality time with my childhood friends and see a mentor. I had to leave Abeokuta reluctantly as I was having some fun, food and fad, reminiscing over old and new times with my quartet of childhood friends. One of us is married so we had our wife to do some home food and a babygirl to spice up the jist.

Anyways, I left Abeokuta around 7pm and hoped to be in Festac in about1.5 hours...for where, for 9ja, bobo!!! Never even got to Festac that day, spent my DEMOCRAZY evening in traffic, added a little of my 'environment sanitation' morning too. Throughout the long and tedious drag and drive, I kept thinking about my beloved country and the cynical and calamitous state of our basic social amenities. I really came close to weeping for my country (wept on the journey for another reason anyway but unbloggable :)).

I am forced to wonder if Nigeria will ever be great, even doubt if it has ever been great, I never grew to find any trace of the acclaimed 'Giant of Africa'...felt like a figment of some geek's imagination, bobo as some would call it. I love this country, no doubt!, I cherish it and want the best for it. I had the opportunity to have been of the shores of the country for academic reasons but I never tried staying out, my heart was always back here (HOME).

I stayed in the UK for one full year obtaining a MBA in Business Management from the University of Sheffield in 2005/2006. I will never forget my first night...please don't abuse me...no be my fault. I remember switching on my lights on the first night in Sheffield, I remember clearly the reaction I had to the brightness of the light, I remember thinking the bulb was going to explode, I remember thinking it was all too bright...in fact I switched it off. The truth is PHCN light and our old generator back at my "father's" is all I had known before my trip, none of the above ever clocks more than 180 volts. In fact, PHCN at 160 volts (the norm) was a great feat, better that than the low current (voltage) alternative.

In my house in Ibadan, I have Three generators (7KVa diesel, one 5KVa petrol and one 2KVa petrol) and Two sources of water (well and borehole). I have consciously decided not to pay PHCN anymore, can't keep paying for a facility I don't enjoy. Ask Ibadan indigenes, anything public is a luxury, especially water!

I am a tax paying citizen of Nigeria, never defaulted on that. If I make my tax bill public, it may result in a public outcry. The fact that I pay it to the current government of that state makes it absolutely ridiculous, a total waste of my hard earned income. Understand my plight when I tell you I am not sure if there is indeed a government in that state, the first in the West of darling Nigeria.

to be continued...

Blogging...a whole new experience.

I have always known about blogs...probably always known I could write too, just never got bothered. I have made a living off writing a couple of times, survived on it, passed exams by it but now I am loving life via it.

One of the worst virtues a man can posses, including myself, is the ability to start without finishing...just giving up consciously or unconsciously, I have been very guilty of this in the past...that was before I told 'BABA' "no more uncompleted projects in my life". In my very first blog, I promised I did bless people with this blog everyday of my life...I will, I must, Yes Oh!, mos def.

When I started this, i feared the level of relevance it might have, thought to myself "what if nobody read it, what if it was all just another blabber tale?". Two weeks after, peeps, no regrets...it is relevant, I am fulfilled already...your reading this is living proof that 'it can only get better'.

Blogging...a whole new experience indeed, not just for me, but, for everybody that now knows what it means to blog (for free for that matter). If you ever read something here that has a meaning, good or bad, please drop a comment, refer the blog, show an emotion, share...make sure you are not just a reader but a doer!!!

God bless and keep us all still, AMEN.

'ur bruva from anoda mother.

Patience...a virtue you can't buy...continued.

This is a tale of 3 people...me, Aung San Suu Kyi and a commercial bus driver.

I make a confession this day...I have been a pretty impatient human being, one fast to react, regrets or not, just act and think later. I have been hard on people around me, sometimes totally irrational I must confess (I take a lot of things after my mother...it worked for her but don't seem to work for me, at least not always). I do realize my shortcomings, I have for a long time, just felt it was okay for everybody to live with it...so selfish of me.

I really thank God for my life, peeps that know me tru n tru won't believe what I am today, no worries because I am as shocked as you are (in retrospect). I see myself as undeserving, unworthy...no be God, thank God for His grace (Romans 3:24), ever present for the likes of me. A sharp change started in me some time in the second half of last year, God knows it wasn't plan, that was just fulfillment of His purpose...you never know what hits you, you just slide straight into it.

I am the definition of change...absolute change, a deviation from the norm, renaissance, evolution. I am that which I am, who I am and what I have become. The sweetest thing about life is not realizing your faults, sins or wrongs...the sweetest bit is getting rid of them, moving on, getting better, 'imploding and exploding' as required.

So for the koko of this 'type up', patience...ummmm, how does an impatient person write on patience? I will rather write about a patient person (Aung San), an impatient me and the 'patiently unpatient' bus driver. Let's call it the tale of 3 musketeers or, better still; the good, the bad and the ugly (at least the bus was rickety so its okay to call the bus driver 'the ugly', better him than me).

Aung San is a hero to millions of people, a sacrificial lamp that has chosen the path of suffering for the masses, for a just cause, another Mandela (albeit this time from another continent). Aung San is the pro-democracy activists from Burma, A WOMAN! (of more than virtue), an enemy of the 'rogue generals' that have turned the country into a personal property, their very own toy. Indeed the heart of man is desperately wicked (Jer 17:9), I for one can't phantom it the evil we do. Aung San has spent more than 11 years of the last 19 under some form of detention (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/1950505.stm) yet she has remain true to the cause showing no signs of tiring. She had never knew suffering, she is of royal blood, daughter of the first Burmese ruler...she has just decided to take after our Lord Jesus (leadership by followership and sacrifice, see Mat 20:27-28).

I already told you about me so I will go on to the 'ugly bus driver'...the one I met/saw at a traffic light on Opebi some days ago around 10pm. We arrived about the same time at this particular traffic light about the same time, as it changed to 'STOP' (red) and we both did stop. We waited 1, 2,...5 minutes (yes, the danfo driver waited at that time of the day. I was impressed and was going to open my mouth to sing his praise for such 'strange behaviour' for a danfo warlord but... vroooom...he sped of with the lights still at 'STOP', 2 seconds after lights turned to yellow then green. I was flabbergasted, disappointed, pained...then, it hit me, the event sparked of something in my mind. I had just experienced physically how many of us miss so much in life after waiting so much!!!

So here I am, the impatient me...there is Aung San, the global hero of inestimable patience...then there is the danfo driver who was so patient he took of 2 seconds too early after a 5 mins wait. I leave your mind to draw the conclusions, I won't do it for you...I would, however, remind you of Eccl 7:8 and Gal 5:22.

Stay blessed...hustle and flow!

From my potential mama's birthday to tears of joy...

Guess 'm back again...maybe there is always something to say, my sanguine personality at work...or not. I love talking, more like I love saying it all, no holds barred. I can act too, God knows I can lie (thank God for grace not to though) but I can't pretend 'cos I am who I am...what I am ( of course that changes a lot).

Yesterday was a special day as it was an especially special day for someone very special to someone extremely special to a totally special me...yesterday was her mama's birthday...someone say 'hip hip hip hurray'. When you are real close to a lady, you better get real close to the family...in fact, especially the folks (in my case, the mum), they hold a lot of aces, if not all.

She did not tell me o, we had a little 'grief' over the weekend, but she wanted me to know. She used 'koni koni' to inform me by confirming if it was Monday or Tuesday from her sister (on Sunday)...like she didn't know, bobo. It's a family I really like, forget the fact that I chase she all over the physical as well as spiritual world, night and day. I just like the mechanism of love, trust and stratification that seems to be inherent to them. I must confess I am not the all out family love, butty cum dad and mum person, I think I take after my mum...started hustling early and that tends to make you miss some essential luvvy jovvy in the family.

Anyway, yesterday was the birthday, I am fortunate to be in Lagos and so I go greet, bless and celebrate with her. I, however, did something new...strange and special, only guys are allowed to copycat this and by copyright application to. I got my friends, colleagues and even boss to call and wish her happy birthday...lol. She has never seen nor heard of any of them but they kept on calling as I kept on spreading the gospel. From potential bestmates, friends to ebi and ojulumos they called, she laughed, she was excited...definitely happy. Peeps, I just scored a major point in my drive towards 'i must be ur paddy, ma'...

Great day it was...at least until the informal rough play started with she, we really played and played hard. Outside their house we danced around, can't remember the last time I exhibited that part of me, not for a while. It was mos def luvvy jovvy, at least until I hit the wrong button, went of the hook, brakes failed and then...tears of joy fell from someone's face. I have concluded it was tears of joy because it was described as trying to laugh and cry at the same time, I won't tell you who shed the tears, feel free to play around with your imagination...draw your premises and conclusions, OYO l'ewa!

I felt bad though, real bad, it could have been tears of joy from my POV but it was still tears. I made a confession not to let it happen again, as long as there was some pain, it won't happen again. I won't forget yesterday, ever, the 19th of May, 2009, her mama's birthday, 2 months after her birthday!!

Before I close this brethren, please read the following when you can: Math 5:38-48, Rom 12:17-21 and Gen 50:20-21. You will never have a reason to hold/keep malice, revenge or plot vengeance ever again...I pray...Amen!!!

Remember, all things work together for good...

Hussle & flow...bless!

Another Monday, another hussle, another flow...read and learn

I am not very sure I slept well going into this Monday, I'm more convinced I spent most of the night between sleeping, listening to a message by Rev Sam, downloads and imaginations. Truth is I am the kind of person that finds it both difficult to sleep and difficult to get up, dividends of a degree in the UK I believe.

Back to the reason for this blog entry...I woke up, did my daily devotion and wished I could sleep back again. You wonder why? I will tell you...it was my daily devotion o, all it told me about was trusting God, sleeping and thinking about him. As if that wasn't enough, my daily bible reading too told me about perfect peace in trusting God. Brethren, don't doubt me when I tell you I felt lighter...and happier too by the way. I have decided to share the 'expo' with you all, read the following:

1. Isiah 26:3, 4 & 12


2. Isaiah 43:18-19


3. Psalm 63:6

If you don't feel same (like moi I mean), don't read my blog again, in fact, leave me a message of dis-satisfaction (no 'waka' o, PG 1!). If you are indeed blessed, just thank God on my behalf, he sure does give perfect peace to those that trust him...always!

Quick jist...God's done it again o, just got good news today...something I have been craving for a while. Peeps, "it can only get better", someone needs to 'copycat' me and use that as a mini-motto. Trust me to share the details of my answered prayer later, just keep coming back!!!

जोब्लेस???

पीपुल जुस्त दोन'टी रेअलिसे हाउ मच थे कैन दो विथ ठिर टाइम, इ जुस्त रेअलिजेद तेरे अरे अ मिलियन वायस तो उसे 'इदले टाइम' एंड स्टील ब्लेस यू, पीपुल एंड यू अगं...स्टे तुनेद!

The day a new chapter commenced...

I woke up today feeling a little worried, love was on my mind, so were thoughts of one person. Ordinarily my Sundays are quite predictable; wake up, call her, do my devotions, send a text, lounge a little in bed, think about me or 'us'...bath and church, her place, out or not, eat (possibly at hers') then a late trip to Ibadan. So much for life...

Today is apparently differently as I woke up with a worry, an unusual phonecall to her then one from my mum. All of a sudden I find myself on the web, continuing from where I slept of last night (bbc.co.uk and blogs of mates, i.e., friends). I read a little about drug lords and cartels, how rich and perfectly unsuccessful they end up (actually they die young quite often; remember Escobar?) and realised I just missed church.

Peeps, if you miss service on a Sunday, ever, make sure you have a defined reason for it else you will have a defined regret. My defined reason is reading, reasoning and, now, blogging, full stop! This, I hereby promise, to bless someone of this page everyday of my life, from this day forth, so help me GOD, amen.

This is 'the day a new chapter commenced' in my life!!!