Another Week Gone By.

It's raining and my DSTV stopped working, didn't hear the rain so kept trouble-shooting on the PVR. After 30 fruitless minutes of looking for what wasn't lost, I stepped outside and discovered what I thought was the Air-conditioning dropping water was rain. 9ja and rain just don't add up for technology, ask any GSM owner here.

Anyway, I was actually busy thinking about the Working week that just  finished, so happy it is over. It was hectic, harsh and hard. I worked, thought and toiled. I got schooled and scolded, I fought back and all I got was feedback. So many deliverables on the work and personal side.

I just moved to a new place so I've been up and about, real struggle emotionally, financially and physically...but it's all good now. Lying in my bed, all I feel right now is fulfillment, favour and triumph. There is one lesson; Perseverence! It was a tough week but I stayed strong, I trusted God and I kept on going. I didn't just survive, I won!

People, It's not rocket science...It's called FAITH!

Moving Mountains still...I am who I am.

Closing the GAP...

Wow, not sure I want to write about this...it's so hard to confess one's opportunity areas, especially if you had 365 days to make up and you still missed out on some things. I guess this one is going to be a very brief one, maybe I'll just discuss/write about personal development, self realization and/or focused improvement...that might make me feel better, at least for now.

I hate to admit it but I try more than once on too many things, loose focus, go back to self defeating habits one too many a time. I am strong willed, have a very strong sense of self belief, but it doesn't work on the little issues of life where its  most needed. As the word of God (and Swtzy) says "...it is not by power nor by might...", another good one can be found in Ecclesiastes 9:11 which reminds us the strong don't always win.

I don't have to meditate all night to know where I failed in 2009, NO!, the focus is why and reasons obvious. Truth is as I type this, I am using the opportunity to reflect about those little challenges I had to try more than once on and why, a lot of things are running thorugh my mind, I will list them down for further reflection, a reality check now, and later, as well as (maybe) help someone somewhere like moi.

So, why did I try more than once so often? This could be attributed (but not limited) to the following:

1. Too much trust in myself, over-confidence in some cases
2. Wrong association
3. Temporary (albeit costly) loss in focus on my spiritual life
4. Emotional challenges
5. External factors...the environmental push
6. A weak will...yes, sometimes I forget to remember my strong personality

So, what are the potential solutions?

1. Firstly and most importantly, trust God (not self): 
2. Improved focus on spiritual development, listen to messages (spiritual and motivational), go to church, get and stay close to a spiritual mentor.
3. Deal positively with boredom, do some positive time utilization (e.g., blogging, meditation, reading, e.t.c.)
4. If it does not help you be better, get rid of it!
5. Do not allow your environment and people to get at you, always draw positives out of situations (Nigeria is not the worst place to be, people are still making things happen here)
6. Look into a mirror, stop blaming the next person (be it in your love life, work, family, e.t.c.)
7. Focus on the big picture, don't go for the proverbial 'bowl of porridge', it is never worth it on the long run.

I am feeling better and stronger already, praise God, guess it's a great new year after all...

Remember WHO you are and WHAT you want to be, don't give up and do not let anything and/or anyone discourage you. IT IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD!!!

As The Year Ends...taking stock! (PART 1)

Wow...finally I write again, feels so good yet so bad. Good because it is always a good thing to do a good thing (lol), bad because it has taken me too long, way too long, so long I feel like crying. I am totally and thoroughly disappointed. Before I continue this, I sincerely extend heartfelt apologies to all followers of this blog. I know have disappointed a lot of people, I must confess I am writing again because you guys motivate me, thanks for the calls, IMs, etc.

I last wrote in August, then, if I remember well, I also went of writing for about a month and was making a comeback. Now, I have been away, for not 1 but, 4 months. It's almost unbelievable, however, in all things, I give thanks. Yes, I give thanks because it's 1 am and I am typing, typing because I can, because I have chosen to sleep late so I can sleep deep and sleep all morning...I am on vacation!!!

As customary, I have taken the last few days (almost all) of the year off work to rest, spend time with family and prepare for a new year. However, to prepare, you need to define current status, evaluate recent history and project into the future on premises based on facts, fiction and dreams (aspirations). There is so much to think about, so much actions to close on the personal front, so much reminiscing to do and there is mos def not enough time.

This year will stand as one of my most revealing, fulfilling, active years in my life. It is a year in which I planned for so much, did so much, experienced so much, learnt so much and left so much. It sends a chill down my spine (a positive chill if there is anything like that) just remembering some of the events of this year. I have decided to take stock, share my diary of 2009 with the hope that it might just mean something new to someone, or, better still, bless someone. I will be doing it in parts, but I promise not to stop writing this until I am done (in the next few days hopefully).

I have decided to group it as below:

1. The Good, the bad and the ugly
2. Praising God
3. Closing the GAP
4. A peep into the future named 2010

Again, so sorry for the delay/disappointment, hopefully I will make up in the next few days.

Too long a time away...too long!

I never knew it did take me so long to post a blog, I really can't understand/comprehend me not writing anything for so long...too long. I remember telling myself I did blog everyweek, on everything, anything, as long as it made sense and there was any iota of learning(s) to be shared.

A lot has happened since my last post, so much has happened and it has been, sincerely, more good than bad. I got promoted, got a pay 'hike', moved to Lagos permanently, got 2 awards at the annual 'P&G Grammys'. That is a lot of good, it gets better because my younger sister came back to Nigeria and not forgetting the grand celebration of life for Iya Ibadan in Sagamu...plentiful activity don waka o'.

That is as per the good, now the bad which includes breaking up with 'you know who', making up and then getting all possible grief a man can get. It is mos def not easy being a man, like an old juju music crooner sang in an evergreen yoruba song; "suuru la fi nse oko obirin". This translates to 'only with patience can you be a husband to a woman'...'m sure you are laughing out loud but it is very true. I have suprised myself to a large extent in recent times, suprisingly so. The struggle of settling down to Lagos life full time is another story on its own. Calling it a challenge is probably a gross understatement, costs are killing, traffic is crazy and pressure is 2ce as Nyce!!

It is not that I am complaining about the fact that most of the last two months have been spent shuttling hotels, I am just worried I will end up on the streets of Lagos (God forbid) if something does not happen within the next 2 weeks. I don't want to discuss the costs, I don't want to remember the fact that its a 500% upcharge to my Ibadan costs, as it could make me run, resign, retire or relocate. I just hope the good news continues to over-shadow the bad news.

The greatest challenge has just been maintaining my spiritual growth, the move, the work, peeps and situation have just been anti-me. I really need to settle down soon, so help me God, challenges will persist but so will the grace of God.

I REST MY CASE!!!

Love lost...or found...or wicked, always a song unsung!

How do I start? Sometimes there is so much to write you end up writing nothing. I have so much on my mind right now, define a heavy heart; answer is Olayinka's heart at the moment. Maybe my sins are the source of my grief...not possible because the word of God says otherwise, thank God for his mercies as she would always say.

It pains me so that I am a thorough ambassador of FAITH, an apostle of a 'worry-free' life, yet I worry, get bothered. I cannot remember the last time I prayed without asking for an increased level of faith...and grace. As I type this blog, I am listening to a message titled 'Faith & Character' by Pastor Godman Akinlabi of Daystar yet I act like I knoweth not how to live a life of faith. The truth is I am just 'me', hoping to be a 'me + X'. It is that 'X' that i ask of God everyday, every prayer, every thought. I know my weakness, my character, my personality, my person...in short, I am my weakness! Yes, ME.

Maybe I have not given all, maybe I hold back a little; truth is I am who I am yet what I am needs to change now more than ever. A man of faith does not lay his hands on the plough and look back, he does not start and stop midway, he stops at the end of the stretch, the next turn. Procrastination is no different from hesitance...you are either faithless or doubtful both ways. Truth is if you knew the end result of a step, you would either choose to do it or forget about it rather than postpone or think about it. It is so funny how we look at the source of our wrong right in front of us and yet do nothing about it....hmmm, how true is the word of God in calling us flesh.

The last few days of my life have been of great emotional challenge, I have indeed been heavy, on a journey of perpetual worry and self-torture. The last few months have even been more challenging, in those months I have found love, lost it, found it, lost it and found it again. Truth be told, after this kind of 'lost and found', the love becomes diluted, it becomes a source of both joy and worry.

I have changed a lot in these months, yes, I have been (in and out) getting rid of some things and replacing them with others within me. I have met God, I have met love, I have met progress, indeed it is getting better, yet I worry!!!

If I ever publish this post, I believe it is because it rids me of something and adds something new. About a year ago there was a song around, very popular, titled 'love is wicked'. I remember clearly listening to the song then and wondering why love has been deemed wicked. The word of God tells me there is no law against love, it says love is sacred, a virtue, a gift from BABA himself...how can it then be wicked? I start by saying 'God forbid' wicked love, I finish by saying 'Is love not wicked?'

If you read this and it has a meaning, please drop a comment, help me understand even before the story is completed. God remains faithful, even in our unfaithfulness!

Patience...a virtue you can't buy...continued.

This is a tale of 3 people...me, Aung San Suu Kyi and a commercial bus driver.

I make a confession this day...I have been a pretty impatient human being, one fast to react, regrets or not, just act and think later. I have been hard on people around me, sometimes totally irrational I must confess (I take a lot of things after my mother...it worked for her but don't seem to work for me, at least not always). I do realize my shortcomings, I have for a long time, just felt it was okay for everybody to live with it...so selfish of me.

I really thank God for my life, peeps that know me tru n tru won't believe what I am today, no worries because I am as shocked as you are (in retrospect). I see myself as undeserving, unworthy...no be God, thank God for His grace (Romans 3:24), ever present for the likes of me. A sharp change started in me some time in the second half of last year, God knows it wasn't plan, that was just fulfillment of His purpose...you never know what hits you, you just slide straight into it.

I am the definition of change...absolute change, a deviation from the norm, renaissance, evolution. I am that which I am, who I am and what I have become. The sweetest thing about life is not realizing your faults, sins or wrongs...the sweetest bit is getting rid of them, moving on, getting better, 'imploding and exploding' as required.

So for the koko of this 'type up', patience...ummmm, how does an impatient person write on patience? I will rather write about a patient person (Aung San), an impatient me and the 'patiently unpatient' bus driver. Let's call it the tale of 3 musketeers or, better still; the good, the bad and the ugly (at least the bus was rickety so its okay to call the bus driver 'the ugly', better him than me).

Aung San is a hero to millions of people, a sacrificial lamp that has chosen the path of suffering for the masses, for a just cause, another Mandela (albeit this time from another continent). Aung San is the pro-democracy activists from Burma, A WOMAN! (of more than virtue), an enemy of the 'rogue generals' that have turned the country into a personal property, their very own toy. Indeed the heart of man is desperately wicked (Jer 17:9), I for one can't phantom it the evil we do. Aung San has spent more than 11 years of the last 19 under some form of detention (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/1950505.stm) yet she has remain true to the cause showing no signs of tiring. She had never knew suffering, she is of royal blood, daughter of the first Burmese ruler...she has just decided to take after our Lord Jesus (leadership by followership and sacrifice, see Mat 20:27-28).

I already told you about me so I will go on to the 'ugly bus driver'...the one I met/saw at a traffic light on Opebi some days ago around 10pm. We arrived about the same time at this particular traffic light about the same time, as it changed to 'STOP' (red) and we both did stop. We waited 1, 2,...5 minutes (yes, the danfo driver waited at that time of the day. I was impressed and was going to open my mouth to sing his praise for such 'strange behaviour' for a danfo warlord but... vroooom...he sped of with the lights still at 'STOP', 2 seconds after lights turned to yellow then green. I was flabbergasted, disappointed, pained...then, it hit me, the event sparked of something in my mind. I had just experienced physically how many of us miss so much in life after waiting so much!!!

So here I am, the impatient me...there is Aung San, the global hero of inestimable patience...then there is the danfo driver who was so patient he took of 2 seconds too early after a 5 mins wait. I leave your mind to draw the conclusions, I won't do it for you...I would, however, remind you of Eccl 7:8 and Gal 5:22.

Stay blessed...hustle and flow!

The day a new chapter commenced...

I woke up today feeling a little worried, love was on my mind, so were thoughts of one person. Ordinarily my Sundays are quite predictable; wake up, call her, do my devotions, send a text, lounge a little in bed, think about me or 'us'...bath and church, her place, out or not, eat (possibly at hers') then a late trip to Ibadan. So much for life...

Today is apparently differently as I woke up with a worry, an unusual phonecall to her then one from my mum. All of a sudden I find myself on the web, continuing from where I slept of last night (bbc.co.uk and blogs of mates, i.e., friends). I read a little about drug lords and cartels, how rich and perfectly unsuccessful they end up (actually they die young quite often; remember Escobar?) and realised I just missed church.

Peeps, if you miss service on a Sunday, ever, make sure you have a defined reason for it else you will have a defined regret. My defined reason is reading, reasoning and, now, blogging, full stop! This, I hereby promise, to bless someone of this page everyday of my life, from this day forth, so help me GOD, amen.

This is 'the day a new chapter commenced' in my life!!!